I’ve been noticing this feeling in my body constantly. It almost feels as if it’s loneliness, but at this same time, I know it isn’t. I’ve been isolating myself on purpose because even around family and friends I feel this same gut-wrenching emotion that brings down my mood. It confuses me to the point that it angers me trying to figure out how to fix it, and then it hits me: it started as soon as you entered my life.
You gave me slight glances of hope and faith in what was to come with my personal relationships. It felt as if stumbling across you that day was something that was meant to happen. It wasn’t coincidence. It wasn’t an accident. We had so much in common. I started changing after only a few days. I got attached. I longed for the soothing feeling your voice gave me before I went to bed. I longed to see your contact name gleam across my cell phone screen. How did I not notice what was happening sooner?
How did I not notice that I wasn’t your top priority, or a priority at all, when you left me unanswered for days at a time? You only cared about me when nobody else was around to talk or when you needed something. It took longer and longer for you to reach out to me. It became weeks where I would hear from you for maybe three minutes before you fell asleep at night. I started to feel lost and stranded. How did things go from so great to so bad so fast? It must have been something I had done.
You know what the worst part is? Once I came up with the strength to tell you I couldn’t take the pain anymore, you came crawling back within days, promising the same things that were lost in translation. I almost let you back in, but then I remembered: I don’t care anymore, you killed the version of me that would have done anything for you.
So good riddance, farewell, and I wish that your next unlucky victim realizes the traps and games you pull before it’s too late.
- Dakota G.
What is Advocacy?
Advocacy is a more close to home or emotional side of Metal Lifestyle that Dakota works on from time to time.