Dear Future Me,
If you ever get the chance to read this letter I made it to you which is incredible. I’m barely breathing in this world filled with greed and misery anymore. I wake up every morning to the same old things, my emotions seep through the end of my miserable being in a dull form of grey and black smoke. Everyone see’s this version of me, smiles and endless fluttering happiness but that’s just a vague masked version of the man I once was, living behind it is the corpse of a deadbeat. I can’t breathe in this place I call home, filled with toxic smoke and gas that clouds my mind. I just need a breather, some form of a vacation to escape this wounded reality. I guess what I’m asking is if you’re reading this, send help.
I’m sick of waking up and feeling sick to my stomach and tired regardless. It almost feels as if everything I step beside winds up in a pit of flames and endless despair. Repairing me seems impossible, how can you fix something that’s already barely usable and being held together by small fringed strings. I’m sick of this place that I call my mind, I hope you’ve found the remedy that makes everything seem vibrant and full of life. I hope you find somewhere to call home regardless of who its with. If I make it to you, make sure that life is at least more tolerable than it is now. I hope that the light at the end of the tunnel really does exist for everyone that somehow gives a flying shit about me. I don’t wanna hurt anyone, I just wanna suppress the emotion and float into an empty abyss of nothing but darkness alone so nobody has to worry ever again.
Love, love is a strong word. It exists to make people happy and release certain chemicals. Love is a load of absolute bullshit, that I promised after the last time I would never feel again. I always prayed that someday I would find someone that would help kill the demons that hide in my brain and come out when my mind turns into a warzone. I let myself down with this, and love is only ruining me more than I was already destroyed before. I can’t help but hold my tongue and float with the waves emotion at this point, it’s too late. It really is too late, she’s leaving and moving thousands of miles away soon. The sad part of all this is, I think I love her more than I love myself.
I just want to live the lives of my friends and not have a care in the world, why does it seem so impossible to reach? I hope that if you’re reading this, I made it to you a positive and happy individual that has accomplished my goals. Please promise me, if I make it to you, I won’t be like this anymore. I won’t be a disaster. I won’t be a failure to everyone that has ever believed in me. Please god, let me breathe and see the beautiful and vibrant world for once in my life.
- Dakota G.
What is Advocacy?
Advocacy is a more close to home or emotional side of Metal Lifestyle that Dakota works on from time to time.