Dear Person I Called My Other Half,
This is for you and the public to read, if it somehow manages to get around. I spent a decent chunk of a year with you and I from time to time miss that. For that decent chunk of a year, I chose to love you and didn’t listen to my friends when it got bad. Instead, I tried to act like it didn’t bother me and move on. I loved you with so much power that I soon lost connection with myself. I disregarded our simple arguments and apologized to make our relationship last when truthfully I had done nothing wrong. I know I wasn’t the perfect boyfriend either, and I made some very unnecessary arguments as well. I fell for you so fast I lost track of everything else around me. Nothing else mattered. You made our relationship from the start full of broken promises, lies, and empty threats that were made due to you being completely under the influence almost every night, and I was too head-over-heels for you to see the pain before it started.
I knew somehow that the neglect and emotional stress you weighed on me would cause me a world of pain. I didn’t care. I put up with the pain to feel something. When I would start throwing the same obstacles at you that you would throw at me, you left. It’s almost hypocritical, so to say. I remember the days when I needed you most that you left to go to parties, and/or wouldn’t let me do things because you were insecure about yourself and had to make sure that weighed down on me and affected my days. I remember those days that I was left in the dark with nowhere to turn and needed guidance when you just turned off your phone, or wouldn’t reply because you didn’t want to deal with it. If I’m correct, a key component in relationships is helping each other through the dark, not just making everything darker (at least in my opinion).
I constantly thought, “I keep trying, but nothing is ever good enough for you,” and that was the truth. Nothing was ever good enough for you regardless of how much I tried. You constantly had to weigh me down.
But I still need to thank you for shattering every bit of self-confidence I had. “You’re not good enough for anyone else”: man, did that wreck me. Thank you for making me come clear to make sure that I never fall in love with a toxic human being like you again. Thank you for making me see that I am much better than what you deserved. People constantly say to never talk bad about the people you used to love, and that is completely true. I’m not talking bad, I’m just telling a very vague version of the truth without getting into too much detail.
I cannot say that I was not the happiest I've ever been when we had our good days. Unfortunately, ever since you, I have not been able to feel such a sense of euphoria. You can keep denying all the bad you did in our relationship, as I will come clean about what I did, because trust me, it will eventually find you again and ruin you like you ruined me.
I truthfully do not regret dating you, or loving you so to say. You sat there and picked me to harm because you yourself were still broken inside. Thank you for showing me that abuse isn’t as advertised on television and in movies all the time. Thank you for showing me that I can build myself up from the ground and that there is no reason why I can’t accomplish anything if I can get away from the one thing that constantly brought me darkness that I was completely attached to. Thank you for breaking me so much I still am missing some of these pieces over a year later.
A Changed Man.
- Dakota G.
What is Advocacy?
Advocacy is a more close to home or emotional side of Metal Lifestyle that Dakota works on from time to time.