Everybody dreams about the future and love, right?
I mean we all have that ideal dream girl/boy, right? We all have had this image since we were young and it’s slowly changed as we grew older but we all still ponder it, right? It’s normal to sit around at night when you’re trying to fall asleep and picture living in your dream house with your dream husband/wife and your kids and that family you want before you get too old. How you want those kids that are normal but slightly less annoying then your average toddler but then you think, “Oh man, am I asking too much?”
Lately, that’s been my mind a lot. All my dreams have revolved around this one human that I find perfect. Let me say that she is and was in no way, shape or form what I thought was my “dream girlfriend,” but the closer I grow to this girl, the more I realize that she, everything that she is, is all that I truthfully ever wanted. Someone that will stay up watching weird underground gang documentaries on Netflix with you until you both fall asleep with bags of Doritos in bed and deal with the obnoxious amount of blankets you’ll rip off of her at night so she winds up freezing, but she deals with it, because at the end of the day, she still loves you. She is that girl that will sit down and deal with your mental illness because you also deal with hers and it’s wonderful to have someone who understands and will help you every step of the way. Someone with whom you’re almost certain the honeymoon phase will never vanish.
When I was younger, I was always told not to think too far in advance because it would ruin the chance of any of the things you think about happening. You know, jinxing something? For some reason that still sticks with me so I grow weary of these thoughts, however I can’t seem to avoid them. She has this ability almost to draw down every doubt I had about love from past experiences and help me feel comfortable. I still wonder what the future has in store for me and her, or even just for everyone. So with that being said, no, this entire article isn’t going to be love even though there will be more like this in the future, hopefully.
So yeah, the future, it’s almost blindsiding. Remember when we promised by 2011 that we would have hovercrafts or that the world would end in 2012? I remember being thirteen with absolutely no clue what to make of that happening. The future is scary because anything can change in the blink of an eye. I could wake up tomorrow and my life could be completely different. I could get that job, I could see the world and do everything I wanted or everything could fall apart and there is absolutely no way to tell what’s going to happen. No matter how hard you work, the world is built to knock you on your ass over and over again until you break. It’d be cool to see the world go, “Oh hey man, saw you were busting your ass lately so enjoy this little bone I’m throwing you, ” but that will never happen.
People are always telling everyone to chase their dreams but so many people are going to fail over and over again and give up before they reach success. There’s so many stories about celebrities who almost went bankrupt but hit the jackpot right at the last attempt, it’s truly inspiring. However, everyone might have a purpose in this world but I can promise not everyone in this world is meant to chase their dreams. You have to work for it, and some people are so lazy that they think everything in this world is supposed to be handed to them, which is also not how the world works.
I’m ultimately unsure what the world even is, but the future is always mysterious and that’s what I live for. I wanna see what happens. It’s almost like going to sleep on a cliffhanger for your favorite TV show every night, but that show is your life. I live for the mystery. I will always wonder what’s next, but trust me, I’m never clicking away from the channel of my life story. I’m excited for what’s in store.
Live for what’s next, not for what happened.
- Dakota G.
Kinda Not Funny..
I’m mildly unsure how to start this editorial, but Advocacy is the best place to put these thoughts. For starters, I’ve been watching both Colin Moriarty and Greg Miller since the Podcast Beyond days back in 2013, so it’s been the better part of four years now. After resigning from IGN, they moved into Kinda Funny, a company started out of Miller and Moriarty’s own apartment that eventually grew into it’s own studio and brought new podcasts and talk shows like PS I Love You XOXO and The Game Over Greggy Show.
Since supporting the new studio on Patreon since day one, it became a weekly exercise to tune into each talk show and podcast, and even try my hardest to watch the Kinda Funny Morning Show on Twitch whenever I had the time and wasn’t working or writing for Metal Lifestyle. It was easy to relate to the show, and they ultimately sparked my interest for journalism as a career path instead of just playing games and telling my friends my opinions. I found an outlet with this website, and I’m as thankful you guys enjoy my thoughts as I am to both Moriarty and Miller for more less guiding me to where I am. However, it has arisen that Moriarty has resigned from the Kinda Funny studio over a lot of drama. I’m gonna speak about this because what is happening to what I’d consider an idol of mine is unfair.
I: The Tweet
A prime reason these two left IGN was because the company limited what they could do with their podcast. If you’ve ever watched Kinda Funny you know how these guys are. Colin made a joke on Twitter on National Womens Day that the internet did not take kindly, regardless of the fact that it was a joke and that Colin has a certain kind of humor. If you follow Colin on Twitter, you would probably not take offense to this joke. I’ll link the tweet here, for those who are interested. What is outrageous about this situation is the International Business Times made an article right after the tweet was published calling Moriarty a racist, but if you read the tweet, you would know that it had absolutely nothing to do with race. This mix-up of adjectives purposely defaces and ruins Colin’s career with Kinda Funny. Now whenever you look up his name on Google, he is labeled a racist despite the fact his tweet had nothing to do with race. There has not been an apology or article correcting the mistake. However, that was only the beginning. If you watch everyone from Kinda Funny that has worked with him for years, most if not all transferred from IGN, they tweeted their disagreement with this tweet but didn’t even stick up for their friend of however many years. They all protected themselves. Even Miller, from my understanding, didn’t stick up for Moriarty even though they live together and have been together from the start.
II: The Resignation
Apparently, the news of Moriarty leaving Kinda Funny had been brewing for awhile according to the rest of the guys at Kinda Funny, and I feel as if they may feel at least a little remorse over his leaving, seeing as everyone on the Morning Show that day broke down. I feel as if it was handled poorly, and the guys do, to an extent, deserve it for not sticking up for their best friend at all. Colin stated later in an interview that he understood that they needed to respond the way they did from a company perspective, but it doesn’t change the fact that they were on two completely different pages. It’s unfortunate that both Kinda Funny and whatever Moriarty will do in the future will be tarnished by this ordeal. The most important thing to remember is Colin was not forced to leave the company. He made the decision on his own, and this situation is guiding him on the path he had wanted for a while now.
III: My Standpoint
I’m going to miss Colin and Greg’s best-friend moments on stream even though you can’t judge the entire company's relationship based on what they show to the public. There is always something that happens behind the scenes that you never see. I will still support Kinda Funny as a whole in addition to what Colin does next, because I am a long time supporter. I really hope that the show’s community can get past the hatred overrunning Twitch’s chats and forums. It’s sad to see this happen, but all in all, we just have to make sure that each company is doing what they want.
PS: Beyond Forever.
Life is something that for some reason we were all chosen for. Some believe there is no reason for it and others look to religion, to science. Piecing life together can take years and possibly the entire time you get to experience it, some days darker than others, and some not. Once upon a time a man told me while I was walking through the deserted halls of my high school, “No matter what you do, just make sure you do what’s right in the end.” I’ll never forget that moment. It wasn’t until today that I remembered this thing I had placed in the back of my mind and thought of every now and then, but didn’t prioritize. For some reason, you never do quite appreciate the smaller things in life until something terrible happens. I am baffled at how long it took me to understand that advice. I passed it on as a kind gesture when I should have been punished. Sometimes the smallest of things can make the biggest impact. That man noted I was a smarter kid, doing well when I wanted to, never arguing with anyone but always floating my own way. He believed that I knew what I was doing. Sometimes the world can be unfair and take life away from those that deserve to see more of the world, that treat people with respect, that would help anyone who needed it. Life is beautiful, but life is also very short. It should never be taken for granted.
“No matter what you do, just make sure you do what’s right in the end”
Rest in peace Barry “Mitch” Mitchell.
- Dakota G.
Days aren’t even days anymore…
I swear nothing flows the way it should anymore. The world seems bland - the colors, atmosphere, people, everything is null and void. When someone claims to be depressed, we’re so quick to tell that person to “knock it off” and do something they love, but that is the one tiny factor that everyone overlooks: when you’re depressed, nothing makes you happy. You could have the perfect day only to have that one thing jog your memory - and then every feeling of happiness is gone. You want to be happy. Regardless of what anyone says, you would love to be happy.
I’ve been told me that heaven and hell are real and that religion isn’t a complete and utter waste of time. I never believed it, always shrugged it off like everything else everyone force-fed me, whether it’ politics or school. I guess that’s what made me who I am today, but lately I’ve realized they were right in some aspects. Hell is most definitely a real place. Whether it’s somewhere you go when you die is beyond me, but I know for a fact when you get in these moods - I’m talking days, weeks, sometimes even months - you experience the closest thing to hell your brain can process short of war. You relive every single moment that has ever pained you every day until something magically seems to work for once.
Recently, I went through a phase where I felt like nothing could possibly go right in my life. I was losing relationships left and right - friends, family, significant others - and I tried fuck all to make everything better. “Better yourself” or whatever that bullshit you see online is doesn’t work for shit. Eating healthy didn’t make my body feel better. It just made me sadder that I wasn’t eating what I wanted daily. I made sense of one part of that routine, and that was folding my laundry and dressing nicer because it made me feel like I had more worth, which was really nice to feel every now and then.
I wake up in what I think is a new day, but in all reality, I’ve lost all sense of night and day besides the obvious. I’m in my house, but sometimes I can’t tell what makes it a home anymore. It’s some emotion, some attachment to family or happiness, sometimes both. Some nights I sit and escape into personal media for extravagant amounts of time because I feel unwanted by the other people in this house, which is extremely awful.
I live for the nights out I get with my buddies, because I have so few of them. I live for the shows and the moments that provide a reason to be alive and remind me that I’m here to have fun. On those nights when I’m losing my mind with people I care about, the things that have been causing me to stress all vanish into thin air. It really makes you notice what matters in life and who is there for you, because life truthfully fucking sucks.
Maybe sometime soon days will be normal again...
- Dakota G.
“Why do I do this to myself?”
I must say this to myself at least 3 times a month, sometimes more. I always fall for the ones that can't see my potential as a partner. I pride myself on my affection, but you were a gem and I was a fake ring out of a cereal box. Some days I strive for your acceptance and to make you proud of me, and others I would rather stitch my eyelids closed forever than see your face. How do I explain what I feel around you? I see everyone else in black and gray. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. The worst part is the separation, that feeling that is worse than any loneliness. You’re invincible around them, bulletproof, but when they're gone you’re a target in a shooting range. Time heals all wounds, but you have to ask yourself, how much does it really fix? You can be over this person you once loved more then anything on the planet and then hear a song, see a billboard, and the whole world flips. Your emotions turn to paper in the shredder, watching everything go to ribbons. What’s the point of this article is the question I’m asking myself as I write this, and the truth is, I don’t even know. Life is too short to not fall in love with who you want. Life is too short to not spend your entire paycheck on records or video games. You have to live in the moment, but if you lose what you believed to be your life and want it back, you have every damn right to fight to earn it back and let no one else tell you differently. Most importantly, don’t forget that your well-being, emotional or otherwise, is the most important thing in the world. You have your own back more than anyone else ever will and that’s a given. Never forget it.
Dear Future Me,
If you ever get the chance to read this letter I made it to you which is incredible. I’m barely breathing in this world filled with greed and misery anymore. I wake up every morning to the same old things, my emotions seep through the end of my miserable being in a dull form of grey and black smoke. Everyone see’s this version of me, smiles and endless fluttering happiness but that’s just a vague masked version of the man I once was, living behind it is the corpse of a deadbeat. I can’t breathe in this place I call home, filled with toxic smoke and gas that clouds my mind. I just need a breather, some form of a vacation to escape this wounded reality. I guess what I’m asking is if you’re reading this, send help.
I’m sick of waking up and feeling sick to my stomach and tired regardless. It almost feels as if everything I step beside winds up in a pit of flames and endless despair. Repairing me seems impossible, how can you fix something that’s already barely usable and being held together by small fringed strings. I’m sick of this place that I call my mind, I hope you’ve found the remedy that makes everything seem vibrant and full of life. I hope you find somewhere to call home regardless of who its with. If I make it to you, make sure that life is at least more tolerable than it is now. I hope that the light at the end of the tunnel really does exist for everyone that somehow gives a flying shit about me. I don’t wanna hurt anyone, I just wanna suppress the emotion and float into an empty abyss of nothing but darkness alone so nobody has to worry ever again.
Love, love is a strong word. It exists to make people happy and release certain chemicals. Love is a load of absolute bullshit, that I promised after the last time I would never feel again. I always prayed that someday I would find someone that would help kill the demons that hide in my brain and come out when my mind turns into a warzone. I let myself down with this, and love is only ruining me more than I was already destroyed before. I can’t help but hold my tongue and float with the waves emotion at this point, it’s too late. It really is too late, she’s leaving and moving thousands of miles away soon. The sad part of all this is, I think I love her more than I love myself.
I just want to live the lives of my friends and not have a care in the world, why does it seem so impossible to reach? I hope that if you’re reading this, I made it to you a positive and happy individual that has accomplished my goals. Please promise me, if I make it to you, I won’t be like this anymore. I won’t be a disaster. I won’t be a failure to everyone that has ever believed in me. Please god, let me breathe and see the beautiful and vibrant world for once in my life.
- Dakota G.
Open Your Eyes
My name is Dakota James Gochee and today I am deciding to blast out against this system we have in the United States. I have a lot that I would like to share that people need to listen to so please sit back and take all of this very harshly.
For the past 12 years I have been in the public education system slaving away more than half of those years through countless unneeded assignments and state tests to assess my intelligence. We were always told that we needed our diploma to go on and see what this world has in store, so we can go to at least another 2 years of school that we pay an arm and a leg for just to live out our boring basic lives. Those lives consist of finding someone to love, starting a family, working a boring 9-5 job, and paying bills. So many of you really believe that and it’s good, because we need that natural selection of intelligence to weed you out. Those boring 9-5 jobs are needed in this economy, most of them are doing things that people need and/or want providing a purpose for them, to keep our system in check. Before I go any further into my discoveries I want you to know this is not some bullshit “conspiracy” theory. Along the topic of basic supply and demand, which we all learned at a very young age, come people that dared to venture out, such as Albert Einstein and Bill Gates. They both have one thing in common. Can you place what that was? That’s right: they both never conformed and they exited the public education system without “graduating.” Both of these men noticed that school does not help. You need to find your strength and put it to good use. Bill Gates’s was technology and Albert’s was science and math, both very common in the States and around the world, so to say.
Have you been told by your parents that for the past however many years you needed to go to school but found something that would work for you that doesn’t require school? Are you starting to realize that the school system after 10th grade teaches you mostly shit you will never need in life? Do you feel content with the amount of information in your brain to be successful with life? All you need to do is find what you are good at and believe in yourself. Trust me. Follow your dream. The “American Dream” exists, and that is a promise. You really can do anything you set your mind to, there was always be people that need your talent. If there is a demand for what you are good at it, never do it for free make a life out of it. Do it for your own good. You were not born into this country to sit and pay bills. You really weren’t. You could be the genius that invents a flavor of coffee nobody's ever tasted before. You weren’t meant to flip burgers or serve coffee to people all of your life. You have a hidden talent and you know what that is. Everyone does. If we all reached down deep and found that secret and put it to use this world would be completely different. I know kids that are in sixth maybe seventh grade that are more intelligent than half of the people that govern this country or even attempt to run for president. Get your head out of the gutter. Don’t stick around people who don’t believe in you, pride yourself over everything else.
Follow your idols as well. If you see something you think you could make a lifestyle out of there is a very damn good chance you actually could. Think of people who write books. That’s entertainment right? That is one way that you can make your life without needing a full education. Education is not key, everyone is different, high school almost just drags you down believe it or not. I’ve lost more than enough of my friends to the fact that they felt lost and weren’t sure if they could do anything special with their lives and that shouldn’t be a thing. Suicide is a very taboo topic and it’s actually illegal in the United States to kill yourself. Yes, it’s illegal for you to make the decision that you don’t want to live anymore. It’s illegal for you to say “I’ve had enough, I don’t wanna do this anymore.” That’s because the government needs us alive to be part of its system. It needs us alive to fall into the boring middle class so we can keep the world populated. I guarantee nobody that is super rich and famous went through their lives thinking “I love what I do.” They spoke out and did something that they love no matter how long it took them to gain their wings and get off their feet. Prime example: musicians. Do you think they woke up one day and said, “Holy shit I can sing, let me instantly make a record and get signed so I can make money?” No, the answer is no. They worked their fucking asses off so they could get to the place they are in life, but creating music takes little to no public school education. Do you think Billy Mays, the beloved infomercial salesmen made his debut in public education? No, he took his talent, found what he was good at, and made MILLIONS off of stupid Oxiclean commercials. Don’t even get me started on whoever the fuck invented Oxiclean by probably mixing random chemicals in his basement and finding out it cleaned really well. They are probably sitting on a yacht over the Atlantic Ocean right now drinking $3,000 champagne with his/her wife enjoying their life like we all deserve to. Let me break this down for you: everything in this world takes work, but you should always work to accomplish what you love. Break the cycle so to say. Prove everyone that has ever doubted you wrong.
I have two words: natural selection. We still do in fact need this form of sorting in order for the system to operate. No matter what, we all cannot do what our hearts desire because some of us were born with certain barriers that keep up from crossing certain boundaries in our lives. I know some friends of mine personally that were born with certain learning disabilities that hold them back from their utmost potential but that is out of their hands. What I’m referring to by natural selection are people who have a certain set of skills or limit themselves to only doing desk jobs or flipping burgers because overall, if we didn’t have people like this, the world would fall apart. I can guarantee most people, myself included, would lose their minds if we didn’t have certain places to eat. We need the bottom feeders of our world to keep it circulating, as sad as that is. I know for a fact if I woke up one morning and craved some Chinese food from down the block, but everyone was out chasing their dreams and there was nobody to deliver my food, I would be beyond livid. This article is not meant for everyone in the world and with that we dive into the ugly factors of honesty this world has to offer. Money is worth more than your own precious life at this point. Think about how sad that is. You can Google someone's net worth and it's not “oh wow, you know they’re a person, an intellectual being.” No. You Google Ryan Gosling and at the time this article, he is worth approximately 30 million dollars. Bullshit, right? This world cares about money and keeping everyone in line more than their actual lives.
If you actually enjoy school and/or feel as if you could have a career making people happy or with something that school actually teaches you, well then, more power to you. Some odd percentage of kids these days drop out because they want to chase their dreams but it never happens and you have to sit and wonder what went wrong. Some people made it. They failed because their motivation and effort fell short. Practice makes perfect and nothing comes without time. You have to have extreme patience. Not everything you do in this world also has to make you money as long is it for the benefit of others. The concept of supply/demand. If you are doing something and it helps someone overcome something, whether it be loneliness and depression to the struggle of motivation or even donating to a charity to help someone get back on their feet, there is always a purpose for everything and sometimes it’s very hard to find. It could be hidden inside the fine print of the system’s guidelines. I’m also not saying at all that education isn’t needed up to a certain extent, but I feel like they can throw you a life test at what you need as basic skills to survive when you feel like you’re ready. If you pass that test, you should be able to technically “graduate” the public school system without being frowned upon for “dropping out.” I just see school as this factor for certain people that makes them stressed out and they worry about not making their parents happy with their choices so they flaunt around and act like nothing's bothering them when really, truthfully, it is, and then it gets to a certain extent in their minds that they can't operate with the weight of it all pushing down.
The school system itself has a lot of problems too, with bullying and overcharging kids to eat meals that wouldn't even scale out to a nutrition board serving size. This is another reason why half of the kids in the school system don’t make it to graduation. Bullying is the prime source of suicide in kids 12-18 in the United States and that is a proven statistic. A kid should never feel like he or she is worthless enough to take his or her own life. In high school, I was an outcast that resorted to online classes to avoid dealing with the issues of an average public high school, but that didn’t help because you still have your thoughts. Nobody that feels like they need school or anyone at all should be pushed out of their own space and be forced to feel unwelcome because of someone else’s ignorance.
I guess what I'm saying is that you really should never feel the need to conform. If you feel you’re different, then you really should chase that gut feeling as your gut will always be your best source of direction. Be that 5% of the world that does things others wish they could. Be that kid that can say “I didn't do what I was told and look where I am.” If you dream is to make the next blockbuster movie to take over theaters like Deadpool or The Fault in Our Stars, do it. If you feel like you want to make the next AAA video game that will go toe to toe with franchises such as Battlefield and Call of Duty do it. If you want to write scary stories that will keep people's phobias alive past their teenage years and throughout their lives, do it. Never do what you don’t want to. Chase your dreams and seriously make the best of your life. It’s so, so, so fucking short and it might not make sense right now, but dig deep and find your inspiration. There will always be people that will love your output and love you for you, not the decisions you make.
- Dakota G.
It’s me again. I don’t know how to feel anymore. I wake up and can’t decide if there is an actual reason to get out of bed or if I should just lay and waste my life away. I can’t see straight. I feel like I’ve gone blind to the state of the world around me. I can’t go anywhere or log onto social media without seeing how much our world is truly falling apart. I was always told growing up that we were the future of the country, that we we were supposed to keep the world running, that we were supposed to fix the cracks, but lately our entire world has been going back in time.
It truly makes you contemplate if staying here is right. Is it worth dealing with the constant pain and endless suffering, watching the world fall apart at the seams? Most teenagers won’t even hit twenty before they see more emotionally scarring things than a healthy person should. I lost more friends in high school than I thought I would, and it sucks. I don’t mean the usual “we aren’t friends anymore” bullshit either. Some killed themselves. Died in a car accidents.
Romantic love is horseshit. You think you’ve found someone genuinely special and either you fuck it up or they pull a fast one and leave you in the dust before you can tell them you care. I can’t tell if social media has doomed relationships for this generation - things like Tinder, the place your heart goes once it turns into a black hole. All anyone cares about at our age is how many people follow them on Instagram or Twitter or the success of their dumbass Tumblr blog.
But our generation has some perks. We know how to start movements, revolutions. We want to exterminate racism and end inequality, so that’s good on us. We know how to handle situations we care about. The problem is if we don’t care, most of us won’t bat an eye. Otherwise, we make our opinions known, probably on social media. If you want me to be completely fair, millennials are bound to be the reason our country goes broke. Just look at Bernie Sanders. He blew up with teenagers because he basically wants to make it easier for us to drop out and live well, but I’m not diving into politics here. No need.
I don’t know what lies in our hearts. Some of us hate ourselves so much we refuse to seek help or even leave the house. I feel anxious and hated half the time. I’m unsure whether to speak up or not. It seems like suicide is getting more and more common. Who knows how long it will be before the next anxiety-ridden teens that write shit like this, or fakes being okay, takes his or her own life from their family and friends. It could be anyone from your best friend to your brother or sister or even me.
- Dakota G.
I’ve been noticing this feeling in my body constantly. It almost feels as if it’s loneliness, but at this same time, I know it isn’t. I’ve been isolating myself on purpose because even around family and friends I feel this same gut-wrenching emotion that brings down my mood. It confuses me to the point that it angers me trying to figure out how to fix it, and then it hits me: it started as soon as you entered my life.
You gave me slight glances of hope and faith in what was to come with my personal relationships. It felt as if stumbling across you that day was something that was meant to happen. It wasn’t coincidence. It wasn’t an accident. We had so much in common. I started changing after only a few days. I got attached. I longed for the soothing feeling your voice gave me before I went to bed. I longed to see your contact name gleam across my cell phone screen. How did I not notice what was happening sooner?
How did I not notice that I wasn’t your top priority, or a priority at all, when you left me unanswered for days at a time? You only cared about me when nobody else was around to talk or when you needed something. It took longer and longer for you to reach out to me. It became weeks where I would hear from you for maybe three minutes before you fell asleep at night. I started to feel lost and stranded. How did things go from so great to so bad so fast? It must have been something I had done.
You know what the worst part is? Once I came up with the strength to tell you I couldn’t take the pain anymore, you came crawling back within days, promising the same things that were lost in translation. I almost let you back in, but then I remembered: I don’t care anymore, you killed the version of me that would have done anything for you.
So good riddance, farewell, and I wish that your next unlucky victim realizes the traps and games you pull before it’s too late.
- Dakota G.
Dear Person I Called My Other Half,
This is for you and the public to read, if it somehow manages to get around. I spent a decent chunk of a year with you and I from time to time miss that. For that decent chunk of a year, I chose to love you and didn’t listen to my friends when it got bad. Instead, I tried to act like it didn’t bother me and move on. I loved you with so much power that I soon lost connection with myself. I disregarded our simple arguments and apologized to make our relationship last when truthfully I had done nothing wrong. I know I wasn’t the perfect boyfriend either, and I made some very unnecessary arguments as well. I fell for you so fast I lost track of everything else around me. Nothing else mattered. You made our relationship from the start full of broken promises, lies, and empty threats that were made due to you being completely under the influence almost every night, and I was too head-over-heels for you to see the pain before it started.
I knew somehow that the neglect and emotional stress you weighed on me would cause me a world of pain. I didn’t care. I put up with the pain to feel something. When I would start throwing the same obstacles at you that you would throw at me, you left. It’s almost hypocritical, so to say. I remember the days when I needed you most that you left to go to parties, and/or wouldn’t let me do things because you were insecure about yourself and had to make sure that weighed down on me and affected my days. I remember those days that I was left in the dark with nowhere to turn and needed guidance when you just turned off your phone, or wouldn’t reply because you didn’t want to deal with it. If I’m correct, a key component in relationships is helping each other through the dark, not just making everything darker (at least in my opinion).
I constantly thought, “I keep trying, but nothing is ever good enough for you,” and that was the truth. Nothing was ever good enough for you regardless of how much I tried. You constantly had to weigh me down.
But I still need to thank you for shattering every bit of self-confidence I had. “You’re not good enough for anyone else”: man, did that wreck me. Thank you for making me come clear to make sure that I never fall in love with a toxic human being like you again. Thank you for making me see that I am much better than what you deserved. People constantly say to never talk bad about the people you used to love, and that is completely true. I’m not talking bad, I’m just telling a very vague version of the truth without getting into too much detail.
I cannot say that I was not the happiest I've ever been when we had our good days. Unfortunately, ever since you, I have not been able to feel such a sense of euphoria. You can keep denying all the bad you did in our relationship, as I will come clean about what I did, because trust me, it will eventually find you again and ruin you like you ruined me.
I truthfully do not regret dating you, or loving you so to say. You sat there and picked me to harm because you yourself were still broken inside. Thank you for showing me that abuse isn’t as advertised on television and in movies all the time. Thank you for showing me that I can build myself up from the ground and that there is no reason why I can’t accomplish anything if I can get away from the one thing that constantly brought me darkness that I was completely attached to. Thank you for breaking me so much I still am missing some of these pieces over a year later.
A Changed Man.
- Dakota G.
What is Advocacy?
Advocacy is a more close to home or emotional side of Metal Lifestyle that Dakota works on from time to time.